It's been a long time and a lot has happened. My friend Mike got back together with his ex, despite the cheating and promises not to. But ya know, that's okay. He found out how I felt. And he never said whether he still feels the same or not, just that nothing could ever happen because if it didn't work, he'd lose his best friend. So it looks like neither one of us wanted to take that risk, and I'm perfectly okay with that. But it still felt good getting my feelings out in the open. I think in a way, it kinda helped to let him go.
As for other stuff.. I went through my last stressful hell of finals week. My next finals will be done on regular days at the end of the year. I can't believe I'm half way done with my senior year of high school already. Time goes way too fast. And it's crazy.
Now, the most important stuff. :] My 18th birthday is in less than a month. I have a ton of plans going on that I'm super excited for, like going to Portland. I absolutely LOVE Portland and rarely get to go due to the two hour drive there. My best friend, Cierra, is taking me. Basically as a gift. We're just gonna go hang out and do random stuff all day. But perhaps the most exciting part is.. I get to meet Adam. Adam is my oh so amazing dinosaur who just recently came into my life, and I can't even begin to express how happy I am that he did. I already like him so much. He always makes me feel better, no matter what is on my mind or how crappy I feel. And it's like he doesn't even need to try. He's been working that magic since day one.
It's pretty much impossible for me to not be smiling when I'm talking to him. He just makes me that happy. It's a nice feeling. And he's just so silly! I love it. It's completely adorable. Like the first time we talked.. I was upset. He asked how he could cheer me up, and I told him that people talking to me usually just eventually cheers me up. So he goes off about how he can't talk, cause he lost his voice box. And all the people that call about the missing posters ask what the square drawing is and he can't answer them, cause it's his voice box.. And it's missing. It was just cute and silly.
I remember way back before we ever started talking. I was looking through my friends on myyearbook and came across him. His picture was freaking gorgeous and he had that "emo" look, which is freaking amazing and just the kinda look I'm most in to. I remember thinking of how someone like that, a hot emo guy, would never even give me the time of day. He seemed to have girls all over him.. What would make me stand out? I didn't think he'd ever pick me over anyone else.. Even just to talk to. But here we are now, constantly talking to each other, and he says he likes me. It's just so hard to believe that someone as PERFECT as him would even talk to, let alone be interested, in ME.
But it's not even just his looks, though he is like, the most fuckin gorgeous guy on earth. His personality is beyond amazing! His sillyness.. He's always making me laugh and smile. And his sweetness blows me away. He's always sweet, about every little thing, and compliments me all the time. I'm not used to the attention, but he makes me feel like I'm on top of the world.
It's not all good feelings though. I'm scared shitless of liking him this much. I got so fucked up from that one guy that left me, and I knew I'd never be the same. But I never thought I'd be this scared. It's even harder because Adam is so perfect and it seems like so many girls want him, that I feel like I'm at risk of losing him to someone else at any time. But if what he says is true, that shouldn't happen. And I sure hope he's right, cause he's amazing. And I'd very much like to test this out and see if it turns into something more. I'm scared of getting hurt, and worried his feelings might change, but twenty-ten is the year of chances, and I'm putting my heart on the line happily.
Back to the good feelings. My dinosaur.. MY dinosaur. It feels so good to say that. That happened another day that I was sad. He asked what makes me happy and I told him dinosaurs and friendly people. So he was all "Rawr. I'm a dinosaur. Rawwwrrr." which was like, the cutest thing ever. And so we decided he was my dinosaur.. Allll mine! :] And then he said he wished he had a dinosaur, so me, wanting to feel special, said "Ahem.. Rawr?" And that was the beginning of us being each other's dinosaurs. And I must say, he the the hottest fucking dinosaur I have ever layed eyes on. :]
Really, he's just about the most amazing guy I've ever met. And I'm really glad I did. Because despite the nights where I only get a few hours of sleep due to staying up talking to him, I'm always in a good mood now. And nothing gets me down. He's perfect and amazing and some day, I hope, he'll really be mine. <3
