"Trish, join the Sith with me"

So today, I woke up around 12:30. Which is about half an hour earlier than usual. Quite frankly, I shoulda stayed in bed. My day was complete shit. But I had slept like shit last night, too, so I didn't wanna continue to sleep. So I got out of bed, and shortly after that, my best friend Mike, called. After telling him I wasn't doing anything and I was just sitting at home, he decided to come by. So I went outside and we just kinda hung out for a little bit. We talked about some stuff and he made me laugh. At one point we were talking about how he's the type of guy that if there was a button to end the world, he'd be glad to press it. He was talking about how it would destroy everyone except those in the Sith. And he was all "Wouldn't that be cool?" and me, not wanting to die, replied with "No, Mike, it wouldn't. I don't want to die yet." And so Mike, being the weirdo he is, said "Trish, join the Sith with me!" I think that was the most I laughed all day.

After that, we just sat around talking more and looking at videos on youtube and stuff. We even took the picture that you see above. The first time he hit me [it's totally normal for us to beat each other up] I told him about my new best friend, Zach. My reason for telling Mike about Zach: Zach and Mike are a lot alike. I told Mike Zach was pretty much his replacement. Zach and I are beginning to have the same kind of abusive relationship Mike and I have. Zach can always cheer me up like Mike used to be able to. I have a lot of fun when I'm with Zach, just like I do with Mike. They're both cute and silly and complete dorks. The difference? Mike and I have a past. A past that involves me having feelings for him, me turning away from a kiss when he actually liked me back, me losing my chance with him, and me watching him make many mistakes when dating the same shitty girlfriend he's had for almost two years now. The difference is, when I'm with Mike, people know how I feel about him. When people ask if I like him, I can easily say yes. When someone asks if I like Zach, I have to say no more than once, just to convince them of it.

Zach and I went to the movies the other day, just the two of us. I had a lot of fun. I seriously always have a blast when I'm hanging out with him, no matter what. Even though we beat each other up and had a cat fight in the theater. When I got home, my dad kept calling it a "date" and asking me a bunch of questions. I had to keep telling him it was just two friends hanging out. Zach just so happens to be a boy.

But now, after much thinking, as I have been for the past few weeks.. I'm not sure if I'm trying to convince them of those things, or myself. Maybe it's the fact that he's so much like Mike, and part of me will always care about Mike. Maybe it's the fact that he makes me laugh all the time. Or how I'm genuinely happy around him, all the time. How he makes me feel like I actually matter, and I'm not completely worthless. How he assures me that I'm beautiful, and it doesn't matter what anyone else says. But isn't that what Dylan, my current boyfriend, is for? Maybe I'm just thinking I feel something that I don't, because I think I should? Or maybe I don't feel is at strongly, because I know I shouldn't? And also because I know it won't matter anyway. I'm happy with Dylan. And even if I wasn't, Zach doesn't feel the way I possibly think I might.

The most annoying part is not knowing how I feel. It's frustrating, to say the least. It's hard enough knowing you like someone you can't have, but when that person is your absolute best friend and you don't even know how you feel, it just makes me crazy. Most of me hopes he doesn't read this, thus causing awkwardness due to my "maybe feelings." But if he does read it, I'm not sure if I'd prefer for him to politely ignore it, or to do what he does best, and tell me that no matter what, it'll be okay and that no matter how I may or may not feel, he'll always be my best friend. I don't want to lose him over something I'm not even sure is there :/ Though, I guess I would prefer he at least let me know he read it, if he does. But for now, I guess that is all I have to say, so I shall be closing this.

Oh, I almost forgot. At the lovely age of 18 and a half, I have finally received my drivers license! I'm super happy about it! :D And now I'm done. Goodbye readers, dreamers, bystanders, and people that aren't even reading this. Which is probably everyone.

"We're telepathetic"

Exactly 6 months later.. I'm back. Once again, a lot of shit has happened, but I'd rather not get into it. The one thing I want to talk about is my new best friend, Zach. We started talking in July, and talk every day now. I almost always wake up to a "good morning" text from him. It doesn't always say exactly that, but that's the main idea. It's nice and always makes me wake up smiling. We pretty much text non stop for the rest of the day until he goes to bed. As boring as that may sound, I love talking to him. He literally brightens my day. Whenever I feel down, he cheers me up. He's lame, but I love him for that. I remember one night I texted him, and he replied saying he was just about to text me. He said we must be telepathic. I replied with "Or telepethetic." Ever since then, when something like that happens, we blame it on being telepathetic. We call each other lame all the time, but to us, that's the word for "awesome" in a way. The other thing we call each other on a regular basis is a "butthead." He calls me one pretty much at least twice daily. But he has his butthead moments too.

The second time we hung out, which was just last Saturday, he seemed to be an extra butthead. He said I wasn't "that hideously ugly," got mad at me for not eating, forced me onto a trampoline, shot foam darts at me, and made me listen to crap music. But he also gave me a pretty purple flower, which is now sitting inside a cup of water on my nightstand. The trampoline thing was his biggest butthead move. After finally convincing me to get on, and saying he wouldn't bounce, he decided to bounce and roll around anyway. As if that wasn't enough, when I stood to move, he felt the need to try to push me back down. Major butthead moment. But even through all that, what I remembered most about the day was driving down the street, listening to music, laughing, and getting out of my town with my best friend.

I honestly wonder how I lived without this kid. He has become such a huge part of my life, and I'm so grateful for it. He's always making me laugh and smile. And when I'm being down on myself, thinking I suck and I'm ugly and all that other stuff, he always knows just what to say to make me feel better. Zach truly is my best friend, and I love him to death. He's super sweet, incredibly lame, and the absolute best. <3 I love having him in my life.

He keeps me sane.